40 and Single

Child-less, single, old maid, cat lady, cougar and "you are still single?"......these words rumble around in my head. Alot. Probably because they get reinforced daily. Look at Jennifer Aniston. Thank god my life isn't on public display like hers is.

I used to play Bunco with a group of married women. Each month the question would come up "Are you dating anyone?". "You are such a great catch" they would say, "I don't know why you aren't married yet!". Out of frustration one night I said "if I had known at 20 that I would still be single at age 40, I would have worked much harder at finding someone!". That seemed to shut them up for a bit.

At the end of January I decided to go off birth control pills to get my hormones tested. I was told at age 35 that my hormones were a bit off. No one could tell me if I was pre-menopausal or not. But the nurse practitioner said "if you want to have children, I would do so by age 40". I guess your eggs just shrivel up and die at 40. Nothing like a little bit of pressure.

So in a few months I will take the saliva test. I get to spit into a container every other day for a month and I will have a true picture of what my hormones are doing for that month. Why am I going through this? I really want to know if it is possible for me to have kids are not. I want to know the option is still there. You need options. You don't want someone to say "I have bananas and bananas". You want apples, oranges, grapefruit....choices.

So what is next if my hormones are good? Well I know that option is on the table. I also know that I'm fortunate enough to be able to adopt a child if I want to. Or I can choose to not have children and just have a bunch of cats and dogs (goats, chickens etc...). I would also be perfectly happy to meet someone who has children already and be a great stepmom.

Now about meeting someone... Finding a good man is a whole other blog. I know I feel the pressure to find a boyfriend but when you do meet someone, what is the pressure like for them? You want to shield them from it at first. Keep them from your outside group of friends. Not your inside circle, they know what it is like. Your friends are dying for you to meet someone. "Come on, be married like the rest of us!" They think because you are 40 that you only need about 6 months and then you can get married and then get pregnant. Boom! Instant Family! In a box with a bow. But I don't want to rush it. I really want to get to know someone. I want to be able to date someone for 3 months and then say "you know, that just isn't what I wanted". That was okay at 25, why can't it be okay now?

I look at my parents and think "how did it happen to them?". They met in college, fell in love, got married. Boom! Instant Family! I should be thankful they did or I wouldn't be here. My mom had career goals Getting married was not on her list. I thought I would go to college, meet a guy, get married and have kids. I wasn't really planning on finishing college. But it didn't' work out that way. But I wouldn't change how my life has progressed. When I do get married I am going to make a great wife. I've had all this time to watch my friends: their successes and mistakes.

So stay tuned...I will definitely let you know how my test turns out. And if you have any older, single friends. Give them a break. When they have good news about their love life, they will share it. All in good time......